


one foot in the past

by crownedcirce



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Sexual Assult, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, eiji is a great boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 09:12:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17118530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crownedcirce/pseuds/crownedcirce
Summary: There are still days and nights that he is convinced that terror is around the corner, waiting for him to slip up, waiting to bust down their apartment door.





	one foot in the past

**Author's Note:**

> I’m back to heal our broken hearts while simultaneously bathing in the angst. 
> 
> The title of this fic came from “head over heels” by tears for fears. 
> 
> please mind the tags if you need to! 
> 
> Come and yell at me on pillowfort, Twitter, and Instagram all @punktsuki x

Usually, it is during the night that his mind wanders. There are still bad days though too, days that he can’t bring himself to leave the house, to leave Eiji’s side, days that he has to check for himself that the doors are locked and his gun is where he left it. There are still days and nights that he is convinced that terror is around the corner, waiting for him to slip up, waiting to bust down their apartment door. Some nights, he can still see Dino’s face, hear his voice in his ear and feel his hands all over. 

 

Some days though, he can’t believe that it’s over, that he’s free, that he has Eiji and they’re happy living 6,000 miles away. 6,303 miles, Eiji had told him. Some days, Eiji himself is a reminder of how far away that is. Some days, when he can feel the stares, the side glances from people passing by caught off guard at the shock of blonde hair and green eyes; it’s Eiji’s confident rambling in Japanese that sets Ash’s mind at ease. 

 

_ They’re gone.  _

 

_ I’m free.  _

 

_ 6,000 miles away.  _

 

_ Eiji is safe, Eiji is happy.  _

 

_ Safe. This is safe. _

 

Some nights, the horrors of a life that chewed him up and spat him out is what wakes him. Sometimes it’s his old life that clutches at his throat, merciless. 

 

Ash can’t breathe. He shoots upright in bed, the duvet covers falling from the bare skin of his chest and shoulders. He looks to his left. His gun sits where he had left it, polished and shiny. It’s dark but he knows the shape well enough to know that the Beretta 92FS still rests atop the bedside table. A blanket of ease comes over him, better than any duvet can provide. He looks to his right. Eiji is sound asleep, hair mussed in a nest of pillows next to him. Good. 

 

_ Eiji is safe.  _

...

 

_ “Aslan?”  _ Eiji’s soft voice, laced with sleep came from the doorway of their bedroom. It still startled him, despite Eiji’s clear effort at trying not to scare him. It was strange still though, hearing his name. Ash lynx was dead, they’d left him behind in America. Eiji had brought Aslan back with him to Japan and this was where they would stay. This was where they would be happy. “You looking out at the city again?” 

 

“Yeah, sorry,” came his reply. It was distant. He could hear Eiji walking towards him now, where he was leaning against the arm of their couch. The look on Eiji’s face made it clear that Ash looked like a wreck. He was familiar with his sleepless reflection, dark shadows under his eyes that could pass for bruises. 

 

“Bad night? I didn’t hear you get up,” Eiji stopped next to him. He seemed to think for a moment before he leaned back, perching on the arm of the couch and leaning against Ash’s left side. Ash nodded simply, answering both his boyfriend’s audible question and the one he didn’t ask out loud.  _ Is this okay? Can I touch you?  _

 

“Yeah. Bad dream, baby,” he looked down at his boyfriend now, at his chin resting on his shoulder, at his dark lashes. They lined his eyes which looked even darker than his hair in the dim light shining through their window from the city below. He couldn’t help but give him a small smile. It was weak, he was exhausted, but Eiji deserved a smile in the least. 

 

“What are you smiling at?” Eiji sat up but clung onto Ash’s arm now, his eyebrows furrowed slightly.

 

“You,” Ash replied simply. “I just realised… your eyes are dark but they’re still the brightest thing I’ve ever seen.” 

 

“You’ve gotten soft, Aslan,” he scoffed, feigning an eye-roll. “Really though, are you okay?”

 

Ash’s small smile remained as he reached out to tuck some dark strands of hair behind Eiji’s ear. He kept his eyes on Eiji, looking him in the eye. He had to make sure that Eiji wouldn’t worry when he didn’t need to. He needed to make sure that Eiji knew he was sincere. He glanced down to Eiji’s lips then, and captured his bottom lip between his own. It was chaste, just a brush. But, it was enough. 

 

“You’re here, I’ll be okay,” he half-whispered against his lips. 

 

Eiji stared back at him for a moment, analysing his face and his words. He seemed to deem them acceptable. He stood up, slid his hand down from Ash’s forearm and placed his hand in Ash’s, tangling their fingers together. He gave Ash his own soft smile before his eyes fluttered closed. He leaned in and softly pressed his lips back to his, as if they had been rudely interrupted.

 

Ash’s immediate reaction was to part his lips, inviting Eiji to deepen the kiss, to slip his tongue past his teeth as Ash let out a relieved sigh. He always felt as though he were melting into Eiji when they got this close, he could never help it. 

 

He felt Eiji shift, standing on his toes now as he gripped Ash’s shoulders and shoved. Ash’s eyes snapped open. He had been melting but, Ash’s body froze rigid as he fell back onto the cushions on the couch. Eiji let out a small chuckle as Ash let out an audible  _ oof _ in surprise. His boyfriend was soon crawling on top of him and catching his mouth with his again. 

 

There was heat this time, and mischief. He could feel the smirk spreading across Eiji’s mouth. Ash’s heart flipped without his permission and settled itself in the pit of his stomach. Eiji’s weight shifted above him as bony knees were placed on either side of his hips. Ash’s hands naturally found their own home on Eiji’s hips. Eiji rolled his hips down as his kisses trailed from Ash’s lips to his jaw and neck. He had Ash breathless now, his grip on Eiji tightening. 

 

“If you come back to bed,” Eiji whispered, half panting into Ash’s ear, “I can make you feel better.” Ash’s eyes were open now, looking up at his heavy-lidded boyfriend. 

 

_ Panic _ . 

 

“Uh. I…” he was searching for words. “Eiji,” was all he could get out in that moment. He let his hands drop from his boyfriend’s waist and attempted to sit up. It was mostly a wriggle with Eiji already on top of him but Eiji didn’t protest. He never kept Ash feeling as though he was trapped unless Ash wanted to be. 

 

“Not tonight?” Eiji asked. There was no venom, no underlying dejected tone. Just a simple question, his head cocked to the side and his eyes searching Ash’s. 

 

“Not tonight,” Ash said on an exhale in reply. “Sorry uh. Can we…” 

 

“You wanna cuddle?” Eiji’s smirk was back now. 

 

“Yeah. Can we watch the sun come up?” 

 

Eiji didn’t respond verbally. He simply wrapped his arms around Ash’s torso and rested his head in the crook of Ash’s neck, his knees still on either side of his hips. 

 

“Thank you, Ji,” Ash’s words were soft, almost completely silent but he knew Eiji heard it. 

 

He wasn’t sure how long it was that they stayed like that. It could have been minutes or hours, it didn’t make much difference. Ash was blearily blinking out at the orange wash of sun across the city skyline when Eiji spoke next. 

 

“You’re not alone, Ash. I’ve got you.”


End file.
